The State of Our Minds
by CrystallizedPen
Summary: Two months after returning from the nightmare, Sebastian found himself thinking of what happened, and what would happen when he suddenly recall that one small fleeting kiss that Joseph placed on his lips. Then one day, Joseph returned, but he then left. Post-game fic. Please be aware of the end-game potential, and this fic is a version of what I hope happened to Joseph. SPOILER


I am currently playing this game and pretty addicted to it. The ending left me with a bunch of mixed feeling. Hence the birth of this fic.

Please pardon any mistakes.

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><p>Two months after the incident of Beacon Mental Hospital or that was how the press addressed the case. Only a man that was alive to walk out of it was Detective Sebastian Castellanos, who apparently had gone missing for months. And as the truth stood undeniable, he was the only one that walked out alive. The KCPD team infiltrated the hospital after the incident, discovered most of the victims were those that went missing and apparently they were used to perform some types of experiment. Faces twisted agonizingly in pain as if they died inside a perish nightmare. Or so the newspaper described.<p>

It was better for them that way. Sebastian thought.

Two months after that nightmare, Sebastian returned to the police force. He could not shake off the feeling of being treated like a caged animal that entertained the zoo visitors upon arriving at his office. Some others would walk by, asking him about what happened. But just like the answers that he gave the presses, he shook his head, having no idea what to even say. Honestly, he had not the slightest idea what the hell was going on either. If he told about what he had gone through, people would immediately admitted him to another mental hospital. And Sebastian absolutely did not want that, he happened to have enough of hospital. Especially mental hospital for any bloody hell.

The chief must also felt bad that the amount of cases that got assigned to him seemed not even accounted to ten percent of the workload he had before all those shit happened. However, he was thankful of their consideration. In between his work of solving ridiculously easy cases, he had another job of searching for his missing partners and Leslie.

That day, when he was able to finally feel the real fresh air after swimming through a sky full of death and blood, he saw the last of Leslie. The boy walked out of the gate like he was finally free of his mental condition. Like as if he had finally broke away from invisible chains that tied him up inside the world of his own. He was by all means not the same mental suffering kid that he remembered. Despite efforts, he had not discovered where the boy had gone to. He felt like if he could get a hold of him again, he would need to be ready to throw into yet another nightmare. But if it was a nightmare that could bring him closer to the dark truth of this whole crazy thing, then may be he should give it another try. As for Julie Kidman, he spared her no thoughts nor concerns. The woman was fine and about if his vision did not fool him before. That damn woman definitely got a lot of answers for him. And there was Joseph, his younger partner. The last time he saw the younger man was when Kidman shot him. Before leaving, he should have checked. When a throughout search was conducted,, his heart went under a slump when he heard of among the bodies that were left inside the bathtubs, there was none of Joseph. The man disappeared without a trace of him. Sebastian convinced himself that Joseph was definitely had himself plugged inside those devices before. If not, how else did they fight shoulder by shoulder against those zombies looking creatures? He even remembered the desperation inside the man's eyes. A burning gaze of fear and hopelessness that by a mere second he could put the gun at point-blank and ready to shoot himself. He did not want to turn. He was scared, of turning and did things to his partner that once he recovered, he would immediately shoot himself to atone for them. Joseph- he was afraid of losing his last grip of sanity.

Yes he admitted that Joseph was his ideal type of partner, especially the non-nonsense part. He played by the rule book, dressing high mighty and proper. Even his hair was swept and kept clean off to the side of his head such that it did not get in the way of his shooting. A smart man who knew how to utilize the best of his brain. But the man should loosen up at some point. Sebastian could still recall the younger man's rare smile when they grabbed some coffee after dropping off some reports. Joseph would look at his cup of maple macchiato in a warm gaze, and spread a small smile on his cleanly shaved jaw that free of stubbles. _'It reminds me of home.' _He said that with a hint of embarrassment in his eyes, shying away. His impression of the man changed from then.

He started to see him as the most trustable partner that he in need of. Sebastian was never the man of logic; thankful for him that he had Myra to keep him on track, then he had Joseph to make sure he did not stray off chasing something else.

Sebastian once said he wanted to go with him sometimes as a part of their vacation, to visit Joseph's home- the country of maple syrup.

But tragic events unfold themselves after that, and their vacation plan was put on hold, as well as their partnership.

Joseph did say something about there was another reason behind him reporting to the IA, but Sebastian refused to press on and listen to whatever reason his partner wanted to say. Sometimes, Sebastian wondered if he was too tough on him. He insisted dragging the other man around with him, demanding his support. Yet, he never really listened to what the other man had to say.

Joseph…

If only was not because of that fleeting kiss Joseph placed on his lips before they separated at the church, he would never acknowledge the fact that he had a special feeling towards the younger, not as strong as Myra, but subtle enough for the feeling to become visible. A confusing feeling but loveable. When they finally met again, the younger man's face was flushed for a bit, but he quickly regained his composure. Sebastian was too happy at the fact that he saw him still well and alive, and was glad to hear that he did not have any episode since they parted, that he forgot to bring the kiss up after that.

Thinking back on it, even if he was tough on him, Sebastian would always make sure to check on his partner, asking him if he was alright, despite being in a worse state himself. Joseph would however, rushing to his side, carefully patch him up using whatever they could find, and smiled softly after confirming that no injuries were fatal.

His heart literary stopped when he saw Joseph got sniped across his stomach. He should have stay with him, but he did not trust Kidman to get the medical kit. But he did not trust her enough to let her stay with him either. Only when Joseph's whine got harsher that he threw out any logical thoughts and dilemma and only took him seconds to dash out towards the wreckage in hope of finding something to stop death from taking Joseph away from him.

"Joseph, why did you kiss me?" He let out a soft smile when the color finally returned to Joseph's face. The blood patch worked its wonder.

His partner blinked for a bit, eyes staring off to the side. Then when he opened his mouth, a tint of blush crept on his cheek, "I…I just thought that it was our last time, so…"

Sebastian titled his head, his lips quivered slightly, "Since when?"

"I don't know…may be that time when you said you wanted to visit my hometown?" A weak chuckle was heard as Joseph's amber eyes lit up for a fleeting moment, "Probably way before that. Sorry."

The next time Joseph was shot, the thought of putting the gun to his head crossed Sebastian's mind for a mere seconds. He lost Lily, then Myra, now a partner that had been through seven hells with him was gone too and he could not protect him.

Joseph…

He had never feel this relieved to walking down the sixth storey of staircase every time he went to and off work. People asked him why not using elevator. Some even joked about how he wanted to build up his strength again but that was none of the reasons. He swore after all that he was not going to ride an elevator ever again in his life. He did not want to see the creepy lady popped up behind him every time he rode the elevator.

So when he finally climbed up the sixth storey and arrived at his office, the atmosphere seemed a bit different than usual. Everyone was cramped up together inside his office for unknown reason.

"Hey, the rightful owner of the office passing through." He shouted, pushing everyone aside to make way. It seemed like someone was sitting at the empty desk that belonged to Joseph…no that was…

"Joseph?!" Sebastian shook his head, not believing in his eyes, afraid that his brain was playing a trick on him.

"Hey Sebastian." Joseph nodded his head, while trying to answer tons of questions threw at him by his colleagues.

Sebastian had so much to ask him. But Joseph waved his head, telling him to leave it for later. After almost like ten minutes, the others finally got bored of their questionings and went back to mind your own business.

"Now, my turn to hear the honest version of the story. Transparent and clear, you hear me?" His patience was running low, not like he had a lot of patience to begin with.

"Shall we go out? It is not something we can discuss openly here." Joseph got up from his chair, grabbing his jacket along with a yellow envelope, "After I turned in this resignation letter."

"What? You gonna resign?"

"We will talk later. Wait for me downstairs."

Joseph walked out the office with no more nonsense talk. A flick of frustration flame flared inside his chest feeling at the thought that Joseph knew something that he did not. But he patiently waited at the entrance for the younger man to finally show up again. He finally did.

"Let's go to my apartment, I need to pack up a few things." Joseph pulled out his phone, making a swift phone call to someone as he walked down the street. Sebastian had no other choice but followed him for the next ten minutes walk to his nearby apartment.

It was the first time he stepped inside Joseph's place. He had never got the chance to, nor he had the intention to ever go there. But here, he was here today for a reason and he was afraid that he was not going to like the how the things turned out at the end.

Joseph went straight to his bedroom, pulling out a small brown luggage, stuffing in a few of his clothes.

"Where are you going?" Sebastian asked with uneasiness shone brightly through his voice.

"I…was thinking of visiting my family." Joseph answered after a bit of silence. He fixatedly tried to push back his glasses. Joseph was the man of calm manner, but even if he was Joseph, he would show nervous signs or gestures unconsciously when he had something in his mind. And fixatedly fixing his glasses was one of those, after observing him for quite awhile Sebastian noticed that much.

Sebastian walked closer to the young man, pulling him forward forcefully by a harsh grip on his collar, "Stop fucking around with me. Start spitting out anything you know and fast."

"I cant talk if you clutch my neck like that." Joseph pried the older man's hands away. Then he stared into Seb's eyes with a veil of uncertainty wavered. Joseph sat down on the bed, as he looked up at the ceiling, began recalling about the chains of events that led him to the him here now. That day when he was walking down the dark empty streets after yet another hopeless day. No matter how much he searched and searched, he could not find a single clue about his partner. Joseph leaned against the brick wall, sighed heavily. He still remembered how happy he saw when he passed by Sebastian's apartment and light was lit on. He remembered running madly, knocking on the door furiously in hope of seeing the very same man. But the next thing he knew, was Sebastian woke him up from the most painful headache he ever had, inside those bathtub looking thing that he had no idea who put him there.

"When I got shot by Kidman, I woke up, and found myself in Beacon Hospital. There I saw Kidman, and almost shoot her head open if I had my gun, but, thanks to that I had learned of something really shocking to me."

"What is it?"

"Sorry Seb, but I am not at liberty to say that." Joseph's smile withered, what he learned that day was something that linked everything together. The arson of Victoriano Estate, the death of Lily, the disappearance of Myra and Beacon Hospital, they happened were not because of coincidence.

"What the fuck?"

The next second, Joseph found himself being pinned down by the older man, laying flat on the mattress. Fire of anger and disappointment shred Joseph into pieces. He swallowed back a painful lump inside his throat, keeping his gaze locking with the other man, "Trust me Seb, it is something that you better not known."

"That is for me to fucking decide." Glares of denial and ruthless were thrown his way, fingers curled around his neck soon quickly increased in the pressure. It was hard for him to breathe, but it was not enough of a threat for Joseph to start begging for his life. He knew Seb well enough. He knew the older man inside out, so much that he knew behind those calloused hands, was of no ill intention.

"Seb…" Joseph reached out his hand to caress the scars on his partner's face, pressing gently on the corner of his eye where tears started to form. He closed their remaining distance with a deep kiss on the man's dry lips tasted of whiskey and tobacco. If only he had done this earlier, Joseph thought to himself, then they would be able to have more time together. More time for him to look at his rough partner scratched his head when he came across a difficult report.

"I really wanted to visit your hometown…I really do." Sebastian whispered, parts of his words lost between his small sobs.

"I'm sorry."

Joseph took one last look at his apartment that he had lived since the first days he moved to Krimson City. Clutching the luggage in hand, he walked towards a black BMW 2012 model that covered with mud and dust. He did not realize that it had been raining for a while already.

He pulled the car door opened and settled himself on the passenger's seat after throwing his luggage into the trunk. Next to him, on the driver's seat was Julie Kidman, leaning her head against the wheel while looking at him.

"Can I remove this bug now?" Joseph ripped off a small button on the shoulder of his coat and crumpled it inside his fingers.

"As expected of a renown detective." Kidman smiled. She then pressed on the pedal and the car started up with a buzzing noise.

As the rain continued slapping onto the glass beside his view, Joseph looked down at his hand, feeling turmoil, "Is this how it felt after the incident?"

Kidman remained silent. But a slight furrow of her eyebrows showed a light discomfort.

"Are you sure, it was the right choice for you to leave him?" She finally spoke in a low voice that so easily missed due the sound of rain screaming beside his ears.

"It is better for him this way." But somewhere inside his heart, he wished that he could return to those days where they could smile over a cup of coffee and talking about their plans in the future.

"Here." Kidman put a cup of hot drink inside his lap, with a swift intake of air, he immediately recognized the sweet scent of maple blended perfect with coffee. He took the cup into his hands.

"I heard from him that you like maple macchiato."

"Seb…you are really…"

Sebastian woke up with a massive headache. His neck hurt like hell at the conjuncture where Joseph struck him earlier. And he had no idea how long he had been out. He looked around only to find out that the man had already left. He cursed under his breathes, scratching his head while cursing again.

"Damn you Joseph!" He stood up from the bed, realizing it was a poor choice of action when his head went dizzy for a whole minute. He quickly dropped down to the bed, waiting for the headache to go away when his fingers brushed against something next to him. Sebastian looked down, seeing Joseph's personal document was lying under his fingers.

He skimmed through the papers; the more he looked through, the louder his heart thumped against his chest. Sebastian dashed out of the apartment and headed straight for the office. What Joseph left behind for him were all that he knew about the STEM project, all that strange things that happened to both of them and everyone else. But there were not enough clues and evidences. Sebastian needed to do more investigations himself, while Joseph infiltrated himself within the organization.

He should have believed that no matter what happened, they were always partners. Even if they could not work together in the same office, they would always be partners.

Sebastian glanced at the last sentence with Joseph familiar handwritings

'ぼくが待っています'

He did not understand what that meant, but for whatever it was he knew Joseph was the only one that he could trust, right now, right here in this harsh reality.


End file.
